Let's Talk About Mental Health

Let's take a walk into the Land of Hypothetical Scenarios, and imagine for a moment that the one person you love most, your soulmate, your other half, has just been diagnosed with heart disease. This might have come after a season or two of wondering why s/he fatigues more easily than in the past, has heart palpitations at times, or even just after a routine checkup. What are you feeling? Sad, maybe? Overwhelmed, probably. Maybe you are confused as to how this happened when the two of you have always been active and followed the socially accepted prescription for healthy living. You would most likely ask the Doctor what steps you need to take to make sure your loved one has the best treatment available, and make lifestyle changes to assure s/he is going to be around for as long as possible. Would you be embarrassed, or ashamed about these changes, or about possible medications your loved one will now be taking to keep the disease controlled? Odds are you would not. If your loved one had a heart attack as a result of the heart disease, you would let your friends and family know; they would come to the hospital and your home to visit, bringing flowers and meals and welcome distraction. Heart disease is nothing to be ashamed of, and this hypothetical situation is really not that unlikely to happen. 

Now let's change the phrase "heart disease" for "mental illness." Do your thoughts and feelings change? Most of us would like to think not, but the truth is, many people react to this second diagnosis very differently. Why? There are no more outward symptoms to anxiety and depression than there are to heart disease. There can be fatigue, heart palpitations, just as with heart disease. And yet, there is such a stigma surrounding mental illness in our society today. There are very few, if any, accommodations made for lifestyle changes as a result of extreme anxiety, agorophobia, or schizophrenia. When someone is released from an inpatient stay following a suicide attempt or voluntary admission, they are frequently too embarrassed to say anything, so there are no visits with flowers, cards, or even phone calls asking how they're doing today. 

The situation is getting better, yet there is still an incredibly long way to go. Information is more readily available, and people are becoming more willing to share their experiences. Richard and I are two of those people. I am happy to talk with my friends about my experience with post-partum depression, clinical depression, and general anxiety disorder. In spite of my willingness to talk about it, however, I still go through phases of being ashamed of taking medication every day to be able to fully function. Richard compares it to a diabetic needing insulin, which we would never shame them for, and then I do better for a time. But it's a cycle that will likely continue for a very long time. 

I have been very blessed/lucky/fortunate to be surrounded by loving and supportive family, in-laws, and friends that have helped me to accept and work through my diagnoses. Not everyone is that fortunate. There are some people I know whose parents believe that if you suffer from depression, you don't have enough faith. Or people who see prescription medication as a poison, and think you should be able to go for a mountain hike and be all better. Faith, whether individual or through organized religion, can be a great help for many who suffer from mental illness. Exercise, whether indoor or out, can boost the effectiveness of medical treatments and therapies. But these things, by themselves, are highly unlikely to help someone who is severely mentally ill.

I recently read a post in a Facebook group from a person whose spouse had recently been hospitalized following a suicide attempt or threat. One of the commenters referred to the spouse as a "punk" and a "turd," for not getting OP's son to the bus stop on time because s/he couldn't get out of bed. The commenter stated that medication is not always the answer, and blocks your senses, including spiritually. S/he then heavily touted faith, prayer, and wholesome nutrition as treatments. The truly ironic part, to me, is that the commenter later said that they struggle daily, as does their spouse. Logically, that says to me that your treatment plan is not working. My gut reaction after reading this comment, was anger and frustration that someone would say those things at all, but especially to a group member who is in the OP's situation. 

I shared my feelings with Richard, and this was his response:

"you know what deadens you to the spirit? thinking that you are a worthless piece of crap and that everyone around you would be better off if you were gone or had never existed in the first place. That somehow a God, that is supposed to be perfect, made a mistake with you. That the atonement, no matter how far reaching, doesn't matter to you because even if it did apply to you, which it probably doesn't, you will refuse because you can never be worthy or deserving or comfortable with being in the presence of that God."

This, people, is why my husband and I take prescription antidepressants/anti-anxiety medications. Because the alternative, no matter how much sunshine, prayer, and organic quinoa and kale* ... the alternative is far uglier. 

In going back and rereading the OP and the following comments, I realize I judged the commenter somewhat harshly. But I am still frustrated that his/her overall tone was very condescending and anti-medication. Our society needs to stop looking at mental illness as a plague, and start looking at it as a treatable illness. If people suffering from depression and anxiety didn't feel so ashamed, I suspect more of them would seek treatment. If treatments were more readily available, we would possibly see a decline in many social ills. (I don't pretend or claim to be a sociologist or expert, so I'm not going to assume to know exactly what the solution is or what the numbers are/would be.)

Please, help me in reaching out and ending the stigma surrounding mental illness. I only really know about depression and anxiety, but I am very willing to talk about mine and my family's experiences. 

For my LDS friends, Pres. Uchtdorf's talk "A Summer with Great-Aunt Rose" and Elder Holland's talk "Like a Broken Vessel" are wonderful and inspiring to read or listen to. These are two that I go back to frequently. 

If you or anyone you know are struggling, please reach out to those around you. You are loved, you are needed, and you never know who is looking out for you each day. If you reach the point you don't think you can carry on, please call 911 and get help. There is no shame. The University of Utah offers a Crisis Outreach Program, you can find the details here. You can also call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. 

*For the record, I like both quinoa and kale. I apologize if my tongue-in-cheek comment offended my crunchier friends. You know I love you! 

1000 Miles, Week 2 (Oct. 23 - Oct. 29)

Just a quick Monday morning note, since I forgot to get on last night and post. Last week's goals were to drink 84 oz of water each day, do a 15 minute Betty Rocker video, and walk 6000 steps every day. So how did I do? The broken part of my brain wants to say I failed, because I didn't reach those goals. But the well part of my brain, which thankfully is becoming stronger than the broken part, says I may not have reached the goal numbers every day, but I win because I started my journey. Water consumption is very hard for me, so I'm carrying that goal over to this week. I did 4 workout videos last week, and will do day 5 today. I checked my fitbit profile, and apparently when I started reaching 6000 steps consistently (last month, probably) I upped my daily goal to 8000 steps. That takes a conscious effort for me, but I'm determined to do it this week at least 3 days.

Summary:
Last week, I give myself a C grade.

This week's goals:
84 oz water daily
15 minute workout video daily
8000 steps 3 days
2 servings each, fruit and veggies daily

Beginning weight: 195.6 lb
Today's weight: 194.4 lb
Total weight loss to date: 1.2 lb

A Journey of 1000 Miles

Hello Blogosphere. It's been almost exactly a year since my last post. Lots has happened since then; our family has settled into our new house, school, and ward. We're all making friends and finding our niche. I know I posted last year about fitness goals, and I failed spectacularly at them. This post will likely not be eloquent, as I'm feeling pretty emotional tonight.

June 2015, I ran a half marathon with my friend Amanda. We had trained together for 6 months, became very close friends (we call ourselves "sole" sisters) and Regan even calls Amanda her other mom! But we were both battling injuries after our race, and taking a month or two off to heal can do a number on your fitness level and motivation. So can moving - twice in one year. We had talked about doing more races this year, 2016, but never got into a consistent training routine. To be perfectly honest, I have been exceptionally lazy. It doesn't help that my depression and anxiety have kicked into high gear with the move, and with that comes fatigue. Bone-weary, draining, constant exhaustion. I'm working through some medication changes, and hopefully that will help me get past the worst of it this winter. Along with that, I'm starting a fitness routine again. I know that I feel better when I'm exercising regularly and eating well. But there's a large gap between knowing and doing.

Which brings me to my post tonight. I am setting aside time on each Sunday night, after my kids are all in bed, when I can write uninterrupted and update from the past week. This weekend I set some goals with Amanda, and we've decided to share our journey with you. As the title of this post says, we are embarking on a journey of 1,000 miles. One Thousand Miles. That's a lot. And the hardest mile is the first one. For me, anyway. But before even logging any miles, I needed a real look at myself. I took pictures and measurements, and I'm going to be very real and share the latter with you. You don't need pictures of me in my underwear though, trust me on that. :)

The plan this week is to increase water consumption, with the goal being 84 oz each day. I drink 12 oz Dr. Pepper a day to help keep migraines at bay, but I hope that I will be able to drop that with increased fitness. For now, the goal is 12 oz a day; I have had times where I will drink 48 oz a day, so this is already a big improvement over where I was a couple months ago. I signed up for a free 30 day workout course through Betty Rocker (you can find her here.) I will do the workout for Day 1 tomorrow, as well as reach my Fitbit goal of 6,000 steps per day.

So that is me, right now I am feeling pretty low and vulnerable, but also strangely optimistic. I'll update my measurements at the end of the 30 day Betty Rocker course, with the exception of weight, which I'll update weekly along with an analysis of the last week's goals, and declaration of the coming week's goals. I'll probably invite Amanda to write posts occasionally so you don't get tired of hearing me all the time (all 3 of you who read this!).

1,000 Mile Journey

Week 1: Oct. 16-Oct. 22

Height: 5'5"

Weight: 195.6 lb

Biceps:   L 13"     R 12.5"

Forearms:   L 11"     R 11.25"

Thighs:   L 27"     R 27"

Calves:   L 16.5"     R 17"

Waist: 41.5"

Hips: 44.5"

Bust: 43"

Accountability and Goals

I'm ba-ack!

After a long absence from the world of blogging, I'm returning with a favor to ask of any of my friends who follow this. Please hold me accountable.

I have set some fitness goals for the rest of 2015 and for 2016. I verbalized the goals to Richard, and my running buddy Amanda has them in writing. Because Facebook Messenger counts, right?

So here are my goals.
Long term, or by the 2016 holiday season:
- run 3-4 half marathons
- establish a consistent exercise routine
- follow the 12-week training outline emailed to me as part of training for the Yellowstone Half Marathon, beginning the last week of February

Short term, as steps toward achieving the long term:
- sign up for a membership at the local family fitness center
- follow a basic couch to 5k program, starting this week
- add 2 days of strength training to my weekly workout plan
- drink half my body weight in ounces of water each day
- log my food and activity on MyFitnessPal each day

It's humbling to me to put this out there for all to see, especially since I trained with Amanda this spring and successfully ran the Drop 13 Half Marathon in June. An injury from that training, combined with building a new house and moving my family twice, completely derailed my fitness attempts.

I really need to be held accountable in order to reach these goals, so I'm asking you, my friends, to encourage me and ask me about my goals. I will try to post successes each week, as part of my personal accountability.

Thank you all, in advance, for your love and support. My family and friends are my world, and I wouldn't be who I am today without each of you.

Chicken Enchilada Pie

Quick post tonight, to share one of my go-to, last-minute dinners*.

Ingredients, in no particular order:
Chicken, cubed and cooked with taco or similar seasoning. I prefer Pampered Chef's Chipotle rub.
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 cup milk, sour cream, or plain yogurt
Tortillas
1 can diced green chilies
Grated cheese

Combine cream of chicken soup with milk - or sour cream, or yogurt. Whatever you have on hand. Remember this is an easy go-to quickie, not an elaborate trip to the store. Add diced green chilies. Spread a little into the bottom of a glass pie pan. Stir chicken into remaining sauce.

Layer a tortilla with the sauce and chicken, ending with a tortilla. 

Sprinkle grated cheese over the top. 

Microwave for 5 minutes. I assume you microwave on high, or whatever your microwave default setting is. I'm not that technical.

And voilà, you have Chicken Enchilada Pie. My kids all like it, it's fast, it's easy, and I always have the ingredients on hand. That makes it a definite win in my book!

The quantities listed in the ingredients will make two enchilada pies. My family will eat about one and a half, sometimes all of it. If you won't eat two pies in one meal, you can freeze the second pie for later; or better yet, take it to a neighbor who needs a break from cooking for an evening.


*This recipe came to me through my mother in law, Patt, who got it from her good friend and our neighbor, Laurie Cline. Laurie teaches food sciences at a local junior high school.

Perfect Peach Pie

This is my second year as a home-owner, and therefore a yard-owner. Included in our purchase from my parents-in-law is a dwarf Lemon Alberta peach tree. It's so amazing to watch the tree blossom in spring, and brings a whole new meaning to the word "suspense," every time there is a chance of a spring frost or - gasp! - spring snow! I watched, agonized, and prayed over my little peach tree, and was blessed with an abundance of little green marbles after the blossoms all fell off. 

Last year I did some research about thinning peaches, to ensure a more even harvest from one year to the next, and also to allow each individual fruit to grow bigger. What I learned is to thin the peaches to one every 4-6 inches, when they are about the size of marbles. It seems like a lot of fruit being pulled before having a chance to grow, and it is. You're thinning easily at least half of what is on the tree. But the end result is worth it, with bigger fruit and not having to worry if this year is a year of plenty or a year of scarcity. After the thinning, it's just a waiting game. 

Knowing when the peaches are ripe isn't really too difficult; just watch for the birds to start flocking to the tree! Seriously though, I've been watching my little peach tree all summer as the fruit gets bigger, and slowly turned from green to rosy-yellow and gold. Every few days I'd check the fruit for tenderness, but they were still pretty hard and some even had green on them. Then, on Saturday, I picked one. The first peach! It was soft, and after I peeled the fuzzy skin off and sliced it, Richard and I tasted, and decided it was PERFECT. So I promptly grabbed a box and went out to pick more peaches. But then I realized, a lot of the peaches were still pretty firm; now, peaches will ripen off the tree, but I want to leave them there as long as possible. I bottle most of mine, so we can have fruit all winter and spring, so I don't want the fruit too soft, but I don't want it too green either. So I called my sister-in-law Rebecca, and she said that if the fruit comes off easily, without tugging, it's ripe. So that is my guideline for picking the peaches. 

The question then becomes, aside from bottling for winter, what do you do with all these fresh, beautiful peaches? You could make jam, syrup, but my favorite is a good, cold, cream cheese peach pie. Here is a recipe my family and I love.

Cream Cheese Peach Dessert

Ingredients:

about 2 dozen medium peaches, peeled and sliced*

2 1/2 sleeves graham crackers

1/3 cup sugar

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted

4 Tbsp cornstarch

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 cup water

4 Tbsp lemon juice

12-16 oz. cream cheese

1/2 cup powdered sugar

Crush graham crackers (I like to use the blender or food processor for this) and combine with 1/3 cup sugar and melted butter. Press into a greased 13x9 pan and place in the freezer to set. 

Combine cornstarch with 1 1/2 cups sugar, and add water, lemon juice, and 1 cup pureed peach slices. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently; boil until thickened and clear (see photo below). Remove from heat, cool.

Beat together cream cheese and powdered sugar, using more cream cheese if you like a thicker layer on the crust. Spread on the graham cracker crust, and top with remaining peach slices. Pour cooled puree over the top, and chill until ready to serve. 

So, there you have it. A delicious, no-bake, creamy, peachy dessert everyone will love.

*Blanch peaches for 60-90 seconds in boiling water, then transfer to cold water. This will make pitting and peeling much easier and faster. 

Bacon Bruschetta: A New Twist on an Old Favorite

I like bruschetta. I've never made bruschetta. Until today.

I was looking for a way to use the roasted garlic sourdough bread I picked up at Costco, and knew the kids wouldn't eat it regardless of what I put on it. So they got regular cheese toast and tomato soup, and Richard and I had a little slice of toasted heaven.

As I said, it started with the bread. I asked a friend for her bruschetta recipe from a get-together last summer, and in the meantime I did a basic Google search for a recipe. I found this: http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/bruschetta_with_tomato_and_basil/

It looked good, but I didn't have the exact ingredients. No plum tomatoes, but I did have grape tomatoes. So here's what I did.

1 dry pint grape tomatoes, roughly chopped in the food processor
6 leaves fresh basil, chopped
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar
3-4 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix all ingredients in a bowl, and spoon onto toasted slices of roasted garlic sourdough bread. If you aren't using bread with garlic in it, crush 2-3 cloves into the tomato mixture.

That's it. My own variation on a recipe, and some creative measurements, and the result is delicious!

You're welcome.